Anxious-Avoidant Bonding: Explanation, Origin, and Indications
In the complex world of human relationships, understanding one's attachment style can provide valuable insights. One such style is the fearful-avoidant attachment, a form of insecure attachment that significantly impacts adult relationships.
Children form attachments to at least one primary caregiver during their early years, and inconsistent or unresponsive caregiving can lead to the development of a fearful-avoidant attachment style. This attachment style may manifest as a result of a caregiver who was inconsistent and failed to provide appropriate nurturing when the infant felt fearful or insecure, or a parent or caregiver who gave affection only to suddenly withdraw it.
Adults with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may exhibit signs such as finding it difficult to open up to others, tending to keep conversations on the surface level, having a negative view of both themselves and others, and a tendency to dissociate from their emotions. They may also struggle with self-soothing their emotions, cutting people off quickly if they do something to hurt them, and having a hard time keeping relationships going for a long period.
However, it's important to note that adults with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may also have a higher number of sexual partners, according to a 2017 study. They may crave closeness and security, but at the same time, struggle with trusting others.
For those living with mental health conditions like social anxiety or survivors of childhood abuse, seeking professional support such as therapy can be beneficial. A therapist can help identify and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns, explore life experiences that have led to the individual's current state, and help cope with triggers in their current life. Working to stop seeking approval and validation outside of yourself can also help reduce dependency on others' approval.
Learning the skill of self-regulation is crucial for people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style who may feel triggered or upset when they feel neglected in their relationships. Setting personal boundaries is equally important, as it helps prevent oversharing or being too distant.
Communicating your needs to others can help you feel valued in relationships. By expressing what you need and what makes you feel comfortable, you can foster a healthier and more secure relationship.
With professional support and self-awareness, it's possible to heal from childhood trauma or challenges and build positive and healthy relationships that meet emotional needs. Educating yourself on the fearful-avoidant attachment style can help you become conscious of when it is getting in the way of your relationships, allowing you to take steps towards healing and growth.
