Families Causing Harm Through Exclusion, Ostracism, or Neglect
In the realm of workplace research, the topic of exclusion has gained significant attention. However, a lesser-explored area is the effects of family exclusion during childhood, particularly in families with children having disabilities or migration backgrounds. This segregation often manifests in Germany through special schools, known as "Förderschulen."
A key area of focus is the emotional neglect experienced by some children in their families. This neglect can lead to a condition known as Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), a situation where parents intentionally exclude one child, making them feel less important to the family. This can take various forms, such as planning around certain members while ignoring one, sharing criticisms in confidence, leaving one out of family activities, and responding less to one family member.
The effects of CEN can be profound. The excluded child may feel inherently flawed, assuming the exclusion is about them, not an artifact of parental or sibling weakness or personality disorder. As an adult, they may struggle to feel a sense of membership and comfort among people, even if they are loved and wanted.
The good news is that CEN can be healed, freeing the individual to realise they are not flawed and do not deserve the harm done to them. For those seeking a deeper understanding of CEN, its causes, and healing methods, the book "Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" is a valuable resource.
It's also important to note that family exclusion can sometimes be a result of manipulation, with one parent or sibling diminishing or excluding a family member to feel more important or central. In such cases, the excluded individual may experience negative mood, feelings of not belonging, reduced self-esteem, and even activation of areas of the brain associated with physical pain.
Addressing the effects of CEN in family relationships is possible. The book "Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships" provides practical advice on how to do this. It's also worth mentioning that parents who use their love as a spotlight, illuminating a favoured child and then banishing them when displeased, are often narcissistic personalities.
Growing up feeling excluded in a family can lead to the expectation that others will exclude you. This is why it's crucial to understand the impact of family exclusion during childhood and to seek help if needed. By doing so, we can help individuals heal, build healthier relationships, and break the cycle of emotional neglect.
