Intense Emotional Torture and Veiled Threats of Desertion
In a heart-wrenching account, a woman bravely shared her story of experiencing emotional abuse in her marriage. The abuse, characterised by verbal and sexual violence and the threat of abandonment, was not illegal or classified as domestic violence, but it was undeniably a form of emotional and sexual abuse.
The woman's husband, who was prone to emotional outbursts, used his wife's weaknesses as weapons. Abandonment, a fear that resonated deeply with the woman due to her abandonment issues, was a particularly effective means of control. The husband would mock, insult, and call her derogatory names during arguments, and even went as far as to throw his wedding ring at her and declare her irrelevant after she refused to have sex with him.
Threats of abandonment were a form of emotional manipulation that used fear as a weapon. These threats triggered the release of neurotransmitters and hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, keeping the woman in a constant state of anxiety. Over time, the times in between abusive episodes decreased, as the husband felt further emboldened in his power over the victim because his tactics brought the results he was after.
The relationship became a vicious cycle, similar to physical abuse. Both the victim and the abuser became conditioned to this response. The victim may start being conditioned to do whatever it takes to prevent abandonment, becoming like a trained dog. With the threat of abandonment, the hormone oxytocin, a feel-good bonding chemical, was depleted, further eroding the emotional connection between the two.
It's important to note that abuse is not a respecter of genders. Emotional abusers tend to use more acceptable means of controlling their partners compared to physical abusers. Abusers seldom respect or respond well to boundaries.
Despite the trauma she endured, the woman eventually forgave her husband and moved on with her relationship, but did not expect any accountability or apologies from him. The constant threats of abandonment and the continual sacrificing of one's own wants and needs can lead to the victim losing herself.
This story serves as a stark reminder of the insidious nature of emotional abuse and the importance of recognising and addressing it. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, it's crucial to seek help and support.
