Mourning a Mother's Demise: Strategies for Daughters to Cope Effectively
Losing a mother is a profound and life-altering experience. A study has linked grief to increased chances of cancer, cardiac issues, immune disorders, and high blood pressure. It's important to remember that this physical impact is not inevitable, and seeking help and support can make a significant difference.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.) recognises an array of normal emotions in the year following parental loss. These include regret, remorse, anxiety, guilt, emptiness, rage, anger, sadness, and numbness. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings and allow oneself to process them.
In terms of support, self-help groups, volunteer work, and structured activities like club or cultural groups can provide a safe space for expressing feelings and help rebuild social networks. Books such as "Healing After the Loss of Your Mother: A Grief & Comfort Manual", "Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss", and "How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide for Adults" may also provide assistance during the grieving process.
Honouring a mother's memory can take various forms, such as donating to her favourite charity or achieving a goal she always wanted. Keeping up with traditions from your mother, like making recipes she used to cook or using the same fragrances she used in her home, may help ease the burden of loss.
For some, grief may impair daily functioning or persist for longer than a year, in which case, the support of a mental health professional may be necessary. The American Psychological Association's Psychologist Locator can help find a grief recovery specialist.
It's worth noting that women may experience grief differently than men, and may feel lost and disconnected from those closest to them. The death of a mother can mean losing an important part of your support system, feeling regret for lost family traditions and cultural knowledge, and wondering how successfully you're fulfilling your own role as a mother.
Mindfulness, the ability to focus on the moment and not follow thoughts down an emotional path, can help manage painful memories related to a mother's loss. Offering maternal support to others who have experienced parental loss can provide a sense of purpose during the grieving process.
Relationships within your family may be strained after the loss of a mother, as siblings and other parental figures might feel distant or not be emotionally available in a way your mother once was. Local support groups, online chat forums, and mental health professionals can provide additional assistance during this challenging time.
If grief becomes unbearable and one is considering self-harm or suicide, help is available right now through the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, Crisis Text Line, or Befrienders Worldwide.
A 2015 study found that women have a more intense grief response and more difficulty adjusting to the loss of a parent, while a 2021 study linked parental loss with depression and a compromised sense of self in young adults. Women who experience the loss of a mother are more likely than men to binge drink, have a greater decline in self-esteem, and have a lower level of personal mastery (personal growth).
Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to grieve. The grieving process is unique to each individual, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Seek support, honour your mother's memory, and take care of yourself during this difficult time.
