Self-Relationship Dependence Revolves Around Personal Connections
In a deeply personal account, a woman shares her struggle with codependency, a complex issue that can have deep roots in one's childhood experiences.
Codependency, a term coined by Dr. Karen Horney in a slightly different context, is not limited to relationships with addicted partners. It can be about the relationship one has with oneself. This set of characteristics and patterns of behavior helps people cope with their past experiences, including addiction, emotional instability, trauma, and physical or mental illness.
The author, in her journey, found herself entangled in a deeply rooted, harmful dance of codependency with her partner. Her partner, a heavy drinker like herself, was seen as a substitute for a parental figure. In her early years, she missed out on a nurturer and sought this in her partner. They bonded over their emotional neediness, their focus on each other instead of themselves.
Dr. Horney, a German-born psychoanalyst, identified self-criticism and low self-worth as two characteristics of codependency. She saw the "tyranny of the shoulds" as a self-critical persona that develops from anxiety formed by neurosis and a yearning to become one's true self.
The author struggled with self-criticism and low self-worth, characteristics that mirrored Dr. Horney's description of codependency. She called her partner "daddy", a sign of the emotional attachment and need for a parental figure that often characterises codependent relationships.
The concept of codependency, while not directly attributed to Dr. Horney, can be traced back to her work. Darlene Lancer, a clinical psychologist, refers to codependency as the "disease of a lost self". It is a set of characteristics and patterns of behavior developed to cope with childhood experiences, a way for individuals to react to others, their self-criticism, and their imagined ideal of who they should be.
The author married a man she thought would fill the void she was feeling, only to find herself trapped in a cycle of codependency. It is a complex issue that requires understanding and self-reflection to break free from. The author's journey serves as a reminder that acknowledging and addressing codependency is the first step towards healing and self-discovery.
