Understanding the Characteristics of Those Who Always Seek Approval
In our daily lives, we often encounter individuals who go to great lengths to please others, disregarding their own needs in the process. These people, known as people pleasers, may exhibit a range of traits such as perfectionism, agreeableness, conflict-avoidance, self-sacrifice, and a tendency to have porous boundaries. They may also be dependent, anxious, helpful, and friendly.
However, these traits, while often perceived positively, can be harmful when exhibited to an excessive level. People pleasers may fear and avoid being alone, engage in people-pleasing behaviors, and seek exclusivity in romantic relationships. They may also have difficulty saying no, or they say yes to things they don't want to do.
One of the root causes for the development of people-pleasing behavior can be underlying unmet basic needs, influences of under- or over-challenging situations, or the signaling function of boredom that motivates individuals to change their current circumstances for a more fulfilling life. In some cases, people-pleasing can be a response to trauma or complex life experiences, manifesting as fawning.
Fawning is a trauma response that occurs frequently in individuals who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, aiming to calm down the situation and establish a false sense of safety. It's important to note that people-pleasing behavior can often lead to resentment and relationship burnout.
If you exhibit people-pleasing behaviors, you may also be prone to experiencing other mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Knowing one's true desires, wishes, and goals may be hard for people pleasers, and they may have challenges distinguishing their likes, dislikes, and hobbies from others.
Fortunately, reducing people-pleasing behaviors requires time and effort, but it is possible. Working with a mental health professional can help overcome people-pleasing tendencies and form healthy attachments with others. Learning to set healthy boundaries and identify and express one's needs is part of healing from people-pleasing tendencies.
Some tips for reducing people-pleasing behaviors include reflecting on personal desires, setting limits, saying "yes" to things one wants to do, declining invitations to engage in harmful behaviors, speaking up when something is bothering one, and finding enjoyable hobbies. Seeking support from a support group for people-pleasers in one's community or online can provide additional assistance in overcoming people-pleasing behaviors.
For those seeking professional help, PsychCentral's How to Find Help Resource can help locate a mental health professional near you. It's important to remember that taking the first step towards change is a courageous act, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. With time, effort, and support, it's possible to break the habit of people-pleasing behaviors and live a more fulfilling, authentic life.
